Bella's Humanity
by JenisDreaming
Summary: As the upcoming wedding approaches, Bella realizes that not everything is happening according to plan. She desperately makes a decision that will abruptly change the future she has risked everything to have.
1. Chapter 1

Bella's POV Prologue July 2008

"What?! No, Edward, you promised me. I've thrown all of my energy into this wedding, I couldn't handle it if you left me again, and-" I babbled, on the verge of hysterics.

"Silly Bella." Edward said, chuckling. "Of course not the wedding. I want to marry you and love you more than I can possibly convey to you."

He reached forward, brushing my cheek with his fingertips, and leaned in to place a kiss on my forehead, tenderly brushing a lock of hair from my cheek.

My forehead wrinkled up as I stared at him.

"I- I don't un-understand." I stuttered confusedly. As I spoke, and waited for him to answer, his warm topaz eyes started to darken up.

I am not quite sure how long we stood there, but I started to get impatient waiting for him to answer my unspoken question. He looked apprehensive. Moving away from me, he pinched the bridge of his nose and paced around his bedroom.

He had been acting strangely for a few days now. I didn't notice it at first, so immersed in the wedding plans. Now that I thought back on it, it was the day I had spent with Alice.

Everything had been fine that morning.

I drove up to the Cullen mansion bright and early. Edward rushed down, picked me up and whisked me away to his room, me giggling nonstop. We engaged in an activity I could do all day- kissing. Being kissed by Edward was like nothing in the world. Alice, of course, interrupted us much too soon, dragging me downstairs and telling Edward that we would be back from Seattle later that evening. He walked us to the car, tenderly buckled me in, and placed a soft, chaste kiss on my lips- telling me to hurry back to him, and teasingly telling Alice to not kill me with too much shopping. Alice shot back with saying I'd only be half dead by the time we got back. I looked at Edward with a "Help Me!" expression as he chuckled and bounded gracefully back to the house.

That day, nothing seemed amiss with our resident fortune teller- except towards the end of the day. Alice did get quiet, I recalled. she stiffened up and when I asked her what was wrong, I got a terse,

"Nothing, just thinking about the wedding."

I took her word for it, but when I got back, Rosalie was staring at me with a curious expression on her face, while the rest of the clan was notably absent. Edward's kiss was perfunctory. He noted that I looked tired, and asked if I wanted to go to my home that night, explaining that Alice's thoughts were fanatical, I could use some rest. He disappointed me by saying he would be by until I was asleep, but he needed to chat with Carlisle about something or another- he was quite vague about it.

When I drove up the next morning, no one would look at me in the eye. I thought maybe with the little sleep I was getting, it was just my imagination.

How wrong I was.

"Edward???" I tried asking him again.

"Bella, I'm trying to find the right way to tell you this. You won't be happy with what I'm about to tell you, but it's for the best. Please, believe me on that."

"Edward, you are scaring me. Please, tell me what it is." My voice rose with the previous hysteria that I had managed to suppress earlier.

He stopped pacing, strode across the room, and gently cupped my face in his heavenly hands.

"Love, please don't be frightened- I'm not leaving you, I'm here, the wedding is on." he soothed.

I tried easing the tension cracking a joke.

"I knew it! I'm on the menu, right?"

Instead of laughing, he merely pinched his nose, and resumed his agitated pacing. He stopped abruptly, looked at the ground and sighed. Then, his features hardened into resolve.

I felt a thrill of apprehension race up my spine. Just when I thought I would go mad with waiting, he looked up, and very quietly said:

"Bella, it's about your immortality. I held another voting the night I had you stay at your house. It ended five in favor, two against."

"Edward.... in favor of what, exactly?"

He looked up at me, his topaz eyes, still slightly darkened, held my eyes unwavering.

"Of your humanity. You will be staying human."

I stared at him, waiting for the punch line. I realized that he was dead serious. 


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 1 Betrayal.

"Bella? Please, love, say something." Edward's voice sounded like rough velvet.

I dimly heard him through the roaring in my ears. He kept patting at my cheeks looking at me with agonized eyes. I stared at him for a second, trying to get my mind to form a single coherent thought. It was harder than I thought. I tried to say something back, but my tongue felt heavy and sticky. It was literally stuck to the roof of my mouth.

Feeling started to come back, slowly. I realized first that I was crying.

"Typical." I thought wryly.

Tears, for me, didn't necessarily mean I was sad. Usually they were a sign of how angry I was. When I realized that Edward was wiping away my tears, anger coursed through my body.

I ineffectually attempted to push his stone hands from my face.

"Edward," I said sharply, "Please take your hands off of my face and kindly move out of my way."

"Bella, PLEASE," Edward begged. "If you would just listen to m-."

"No, Edward, I don't want to hear it. Get out of my way. NOW." I spat at him, coldly.

He stared at me, shocked at the tone of my voice. I had never spoken to him like that before. He slowly stepped aside. It took all I had to not run headlong out of his house. I passed Emmett on my way down the stairs. He didn't even look at me. The rest of the family, of course, was absent.

"Didn't want to see the emotional human's reaction to the rejection." I thought to myself bitterly.

As soon as I got out of the front door, I ran as quickly as I'd allow myself to run to my truck. To add further insult to injury, I tripped and fell flat on my face. With shock, I realized Edward's arms weren't there to catch me, cementing even further to me how real it was.

"This isn't a dream." I thought, with shock. Brushing myself off I dug in my purse to grab my keys.

"Bella?" a musical voice rang out.

"GAH!" I screamed, dropping my keys. She caught them, of course. Stupid graceful vampires.

Without looking up, I said, "Rosalie. To what do I owe this honor?"

"Bella." Rosalie said. Her voice sounding soft. It surprised me enough to look up.

"Yes, Rosalie?"

"Please be easy on Edward. He loves you more than you can possibly understand. There are reasons he is do-." For the second time that day, I cut somebody off.

"Rosalie. I'm sick of people telling ME what is best for me. I would know THAT more than anyone. Now, please, get out of my way."

I quickly darted around her and hopped into my truck I affectionately called "The Beast." It immediately roared to life, as if sensing my urgent need to get out of there. I pushed down on the gas pedal as hard as I dared. I knew exactly where I was headed. Somewhere I could be alone, and be sure no one would try to go after me.

All too soon I got there.

"Bells!" How did you get past the warden?" his tall dark brown head popped up from the car he was working on in the driveway.

"Jake!"

"Whoa, Bells. What's wrong, honey?"

I took a deep breath and looked at him.

"I don't want to talk about it. Can we just have a normal night for once? No vampires, no werewolves, just best friend time."

"Sure Bells," Jacob said understandingly. "So, now, the question is....." he trailed off.

I looked up, and warningly said "Ja-."

"Pepperoni or sausage?" he cut me off, with a twinkle in his eyes.

I playfully punched him. "Both?" I suggested.

"See Bells, that is why you are MY kinda gal." He winked, grinned and we headed towards his house.

One large pizza and a movie later, Jake sleepily walked me to my truck.

"You sure you don't want to talk about it?"

"I'm sure. I just need some time to sort it out in my head." I leaned out of the window and pecked him on his smooth brown cheek.  
"You'll be the first person I'll tell if my mind changes." I told him with a wink and a grin. He threw his head back and laughed, and playfully messed up my hair.

"Have a good night."

I gave a wave and with a short jab on the horn, I quickly headed home. The drive home was uneventful, and I sang off key in an attempt to keep myself awake. It was just after one in the morning. Finally I pulled into my house, and to my relief, Charlie seemed to be asleep. Once I stepped into the house, it was confirmed. I could hear his loud saw like snores drifting downstairs.

I went quietly into our tiny shared bathroom and changed into the gray sweats and holey black t-shirt I put on the shelf earlier that morning - a habit I developed living in a cold state, as I abhorred the cold. I quickly brushed my teeth the best I could manage without water and tiptoed into my bedroom. After feeling around in the dark, I switched on my bedroom light ready to curl up in bed with my favorite book Wuthering Heights.

"Bella, do you have any idea what it does to me when I can't see you?!"

"GAH!" I screamed and heard Charlie's snores stop.

"Bells??? Is everything alright in there?" Charlie's sleepy voice drifted towards me.

"Yeah, Dad, everything is fine. I thought I saw a spider."

"Oh." he said, very faintly, and promptly his snores started up again.

I heaved a huge sigh and said in a whisper, knowing full well she could hear me,

"Alice. What are you doing in my room at two in the morning?"

She really was a crazy little pixie.

XXXXXX

I slowly sat down, and sharply asked Alice if she was one of the ones for the decision.

Alice looked indignant. "Bella, how could you even ask that? I've been on your side from the beginning. My visions are never wrong, and I have seen you as one of us." She looked at me then looked at the wall. She then muttered in a voice so soft I was almost sure I didn't hear it, "I think it is a dangerous thing he's doing playing with fate."

"Alice, remember our plane ride? Are you still willing to, to-." I couldn't seem to convey the words as eloquently as my brain seemed to.

Before I could even finish, Alice was shaking her head. "No, Bella. That decision will tear our family apart. Edward would never forgive me, nor you, either, for asking. Trust me," She said, tapping her forehead, " I know."

"Alice, please."

"Bella, I can't. Please, believe me. I love you, not only as a best friend, but as a sister. I would do anything for you, but I can't do this."

The arguing went on for about another hour. Every argument that I had, Alice countered with one of her own.

"Bella, sweetie, you are getting married to your soul mate. Isn't that enough, for now? Please believe me when I tell you that one way or another, you will be a vampire. It just may take some time to get there."

"You've been saying that! Alice, that is all I hear. Edward Pro-promised me." I hiccuped and sobbed.

Alice rushed over and stroked my hair. "My brother is a fool." She said, darkly.

"That isn't the worst thing, Alice. I can't even be intimate with my own fiance. He won't touch me as a human, but I'm not good enough to be a vampire," I said, bitterly.

"B-"

"No, Alice, it's true. He broke his word to me, and I don't know if I can trust him. I'm not a damn child." My voice started rising with each word I said, until I was on the verge of hysterics. Suddenly, waves of calm coursed through me.

"NOT NOW JASPER!!!!!" I screamed, seeing him in the room.

The snoring in the next room started wavering from it's rhythmic crescendo.

Alice rushed over at vampire speed and clamped her hand over my mouth.

"Do you want to alert Charlie of your midnight sessions with creatures that go bump in the night, Bella?!" Alice joked, in an attempt to get me to calm down.

However, I wasn't having any calming down. I started walking swiftly around my room, my mind a whirlwind of thoughts. I thought a dozen different things a second. One thought that strayed through my mind, I latched on to. I knew I didn't have a second to waste.

Alice caught on a split second too late.

"Bella, NO!"

It was too late. She screamed those words after I had hurried out of my room into the bathroom next to my bedroom. I locked it swiftly and quietly, so as not to alert my father. Quickly grabbing Charlie's old fashioned straight razor he kept in the top drawer, I swiftly cut my wrists. I ran towards my room while Alice was frantically trying to get her bewildered husband to leave the house quickly, while latching on to her cell phone to place the call to 911. Jasper, feeling my chaotic emotions, refused to leave. Alice was so distraught she couldn't get out what had happened.

"JASPER, she's BLEEDING!!!!" Alice screamed, beyond caring if Charlie heard. Again, it was too late.

As I stood there, rooted to the floor, too stunned at the fact I went through with my decision, I felt a sick trill of fear slip through me. This was worse than my Birthday. Jasper's eyes turned dark with blood lust immediately. A deep, feral growl ripped through his body as he glared lustfully at me. Alice ineffectually tried to stop him, but it was no use. He crouched and attacked so quickly, it seemed almost simultaneous. Jasper quickly gathered me by my wrists, and pulled me towards him leaping out of the window. Alice was after us like a shot. He didn't get very far from the house before he stopped.

"Jasper!!!!" Alice screamed, again. Jasper growled louder and in his haste getting to my blood, and I felt a sickening crack in both of my wrists. With another growl and a delighted sigh he bit and started drinking deeply. At this point, I couldn't hold back my screams. My arms hurt terribly and a numbness set into my limbs, paralyzing me.

Alice wrenched me away from Jasper, and that, along with my now blood-curling screams stopped his blood lust in it's tracks.

"Oh, God!" He whispered horrified. "What have I done?"

" S okaay, Jasperrr. I pro-ovoked you." I slurred.

"Oh, GOD!" Alice said frantically. Quickly she gathered me in her arms and took off at vampire speed for the Cullen mansion, Jasper hot on her heels. She made it there in record time.

"CARLISLE!!!!" Alice yelled. "HELP! Jasper bit Bella!"

Several footsteps came barreling from different areas of the house. In my haze, I could see it was everyone.

"BELLA!" Edward bellowed.

"Edward, my son! Calm down. Move out of the way. This isn't doing any good, let me get at her." Carlisle said.

"THE FIRE! Oh god, it burns, it burns!" I frantically tore at my clothes and scratched at any exposed skin.

"Carlisle, you have to do something. Suck out the venom." Edward whispered pleadingly, while stroking my cheek and restraining my hands.

He looked at Edward, on my other side, and said softly,

"I'm sorry son, there isn't anything more that I can do for her. The change is happening. it's too late to stop this."

Esme sucked in her breath and hurriedly went over and placed her hand on Edward's shoulder. He shook it off and started stalking toward Jasper.

"HOW COULD YOU DO THIS?!" He bellowed at Jasper so loudly, the windows were shaking.

Jasper looked down at the floor ashamed, while Alice hurried to defend her mate. "He didn't mean to, he was provoked, Edward!"

"Oh, I'm sure." Edward scoffed. She just happened to be waving around blood under your nose to lure you to her demise.

Alice stared at Edward fiercely. "That is exactly what happened, Dear Brother." she spat at Edward. "Do you doubt ME?"

Edward's face went blank and smooth. He turned to me and knelt down.

"Bella, I know the pain is horrendous, but I need you to tell me if you are still able." I stilled, and he continued on. "Did you do this on purpose?"

My eyelids felt almost too heavy to keep open, but I forced myself to look at him through the cloudy haze. I shrieked failing to ignore the pain, "Yes." then continued writhing around. Edward stood up, and walked out of the house, shaking Esme's comforting hand off of his shoulder.

"I'll be back later."

-------------------------------------------------------------------

After those first few hours, I stopped screaming. I learned it didn't do any good. I asked for Edward when I felt strong enough to speak, only to be told soothingly that Edward was busy at the moment, but, very soon, he would be at my side. I soon quit asking. I don't know how long I laid there, with the horrendous blanket of fire covering my body and eating away my insides. Eventually, the pain started easing, and my senses slowly started to heighten. I felt a hand covering my own, and although most of my body hurt, that, curiously, didn't hurt as much anymore. Instead of being icy, though, it was almost the same temperature as my own. Slowly, I felt the fire receding from my body. When the fire was out of one whole arm, I heard someone come in and ask quietly if they could have a word. The hand on my own gently eased up and the footsteps walked out.

I didn't have to strain too hard to hear, although my senses weren't quite sharp enough to hear every word.

"Edw... sure.... leave?"

"Tre.. brok....bit her."

"What...about .she eeds You."

I couldn't make out any of the voices, it was too low to catch.

I very clearly heard the next sentence, which was from Carlisle. "Alright. We will leave within the hour."

Emmett, I was sure it was him, said loudly, "WE CAN'T JUST LEAVE HER! SOMEONE NEEDS TO BE HERE WHEN SHE WAKES UP!"

A feminine voice spoke up, which I assumed was Rosalie. "He's right. Alice and Jasper are gone, and under the circumstances with Carlisle needing to secure the position, it makes sense that Esme and he go. I'll accompany Edward and get enrolled."

Something very low was said from what sounded like a furious Emmett, and the footsteps started dispersing through the house.

I was confused, but the pain hadn't receded enough yet for me to understand at that time what was going on. The fire was almost out when my heart started to take off rapidly.

I heard a loud voice call,

"It's time." A door closed, and the house was silent. Very slowly, I opened my eyes to a room that was glorious. I could see every grain in the wood, every flaw on the floors. The colors were more vibrant, with a color I had never seen before mixed in. I heard cars driving away from the house. Confused, I sat up. At that moment, Emmett walked in, looking at me with a mixture of pity and sadness. I took in an awed breath. How was it possible he be even more beautiful? I couldn't wait to see Edward, the wonderful man that was to be my husband in such a short time. Automatically, I looked down at my hand and my confusion deepened when I saw my ring was gone.

"Emmett?" I hesitatingly said, asking all of my questions with that one word, certain he would understand. Oh, my voice!. It rang and shimmered like bells and crystals. The sound entranced me.

He shook his head sadly. "Oh, kiddo, Bella, sweetie. I am so sorry."

He handed me a thick envelope that read, in Edward's elegant script 'Bella'

"I'll give you some alone time. I'm not going anywhere. At least, not right now." he gently ruffled up my hair in the affectionate gesture he always used, and swiftly turned and left.

Even before I opened it, I felt my heart shattering. 


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 2 Beginnings.

November 2008

I sat up on what had been my pyre. Or, depending on how you looked at it, my birth table.

Edward's couch.

Very slowly, with shaking hands, (Can vampires even get the shakes? I thought to myself, distractedly. ) I opened up the envelope. A beautiful card was inside. With a jolt and a sickening feeling in my stomach, I realized it was what was to be our wedding invitations. In a poor attempt to steady my hands, I read the contents.

Isabella-

By the time you read this, I will be gone. Emmett will stay behind to make sure you get the right start in your new life. I wish you well in everything you do. Please take care of yourself.

Edward.

Before I slipped into blessed oblivion, my last thought was, "Is it possible to vampires to black out?"

I eventually came to, but would not move. I stayed on the couch staring at the same spot I saw when I opened my eyes after I blacked out. Vaguely, I thought I heard Emmett come in and ask about hunting. I didn't bother to respond to him. I wasn't even sure how long I was sitting there.

Suddenly, the door banged open and Emmett's voice broke briefly through my thoughts.

"Alright, Bella! You can't do this to yourself any longer. Emmett announced as he strode in the room. I rolled over, mumbling "Go away."

"Bella- last chance. One last chance to get yourself together, or I'll do things my way."

I rolled back over, and raised one eyebrow. "What are YOU going to do? According to Ed- um, what I've heard, newborn strength is pretty significant."

Emmett winced briefly at the haunted, hungry look in my eyes when I mentioned Edward, but shouldered on. "I'm going to count to five. If you want to act like a spoiled child, you will be treated like one," he warned.

I rolled my eyes. "This is ridiculous. Answer is still No."

"One."

I sighed and blew a lock of hair out of my eyes, then settled back to the sweet nothing, tuning him out.

I very faintly heard "Five" before I was hauled over his shoulder. I tried fighting back, but the position gave Emmett the advantage he needed to gain my full cooperation.

He marched into the bathroom connected to Edward's room and dumped me into it, which was already filled with water. I screeched at him.

"Not another word, Bells. I'll leave you to take a shower and get into the clothes laid out for you on the clothing rack over there. Afterwards we are going hunting." He quickly walked out, locking the heavy mahogany door behind him.

"Obviously, I don't have a choice. Doesn't the brute understand I'm supposed to be stronger?" I muttered to myself.

I heard Emmett laugh faintly and say "You know, squirt, that I heard that, right?"

I rolled my eyes, and sighed in defeat.

I quickly shrugged out of my filthy dark blue shirt with the bell sleeves, and now filthy white capris, tossing them in the clothes hamper under the sink. "Not," I mumbled to myself, "That anyone will be around to do the laundry." I giggled bitterly, and unstopping the bathtub, I turned on the shower and stepped in. I gingerly felt my hair and made a face. Yuck, it was a rats nest, literally. I picked up, and rejected, the strawberry shampoo going for some exotic orchid shampoo, and massaged it into my hair. Even though temperature didn't bother me, apparently I could still enjoy a nice warm shower. I put on some floral body wash and used a Loofah sponge that appeared to be brand new, while putting on the matching orchid conditioner. As soon as I was done, I grabbed the fluffy white towel next to the shower and wrapped myself into it. Curiously, I wiped away the condensation on the mirror and stopped stock still at what I saw.

My hair was several shades darker, now a rich, dark mahogany, and fell perfectly straight and shiny to my waist. My curves were more pronounced, as well as my cheekbones. My skin wasn't much lighter, and my mouth, I was secretly pleased to note, was a little fuller, but the top was still slightly fuller than the bottom. My eyes were like bright flames. They disturbed me, but I had time to prepare and understood that It would take about a year for the animal blood to dilute the red into the golden tones of all of the "Vegetarian" vampires.

I ran a brush through my hair, put it into a messy bun and slipped on the dark black hoodie and dark blue jeans Emmett had provided for me. The boy was good- he even discretely added under garments to the pile, and a pair of my shoes.

"Bells!" a voice boomed from downstairs, as I rushed down the stairs. I brought my hand down on the banister knob to stop myself, and promptly broke it off.

"Oh, GOD, Emmett!!! I'm SO sorry! as soon as I can, I'll pay for-."

Emmett chuckled, cutting me off. "No big deal, Bella. Happened to all of us as newborns. Besides, you are family, why would you be expected to pay for it?

I looked away, not saying anything. Emmett looked uneasy and I searched for a way to make him feel more at ease. I could find none. So, I asked the next thing I was worried about.

"What about.. Charlie?" Emmett's eyes darkened slightly at the question, and answered. "He's doing about as well to be expected. We all went to the funeral about a month back- Renee was there, along with practically everyone."

I stared at Emmett, shocked. "How long was I sitting there for?"

"About four months, Bella. I was becoming pretty worried. I almost called Carlisle down here to check you out. I can't tell you how relieved I am that you responded to me dumping you into the bathtub."

I stared at him, mortified. "Emmett, you've been away from Rose for that long?" I buried my face in my hands. he awkwardly put his arm around my shoulders.

"That's O.K, little sis. You had gone through a lot. I'm glad to do anything to make you feel a little more at ease. By the way, speaking of all of this, you are incredibly in control for a newborn. I've never see anything like it. Just in case, we are going to go out of the house, and we are running deep into the woods. Are you ready?"

I smiled a little, and nodded and followed him to the door. He turned to me and taunted "Hey, newborn. Let's see just how special your strength really is." He took off like a shot, and I followed him, my bun falling out and my hair streaming behind me. Giggling in delight, I felt my spirits lift briefly. It was like flying. I soon left Emmett in the dust, and had to slow down and double back to get him.

Emmett, as usual, didn't appreciate losing. He sulked for a few seconds before beginning.

"Alright, Bella, when we hunt, we give in to our senses. so, just go with it, alright?

I nodded.

"O.K." He said. "Tell me what you smell."

The smells were overwhelming. I must have looked panicked because Emmett reassured me saying, "You can do this. What do you smell? Concentrate on each individual smell." I smelled the rich earthy soil, the moss on the trees. The breeze rustling past us was crisp, reminding me that I had missed one whole summer. I fought to regain concentration. No matter what Emmett thought, it was pretty hard for me to keep up this level of control. A musky, mouthwatering scent caught my nose. It was delicious.

Emmett caught my expression and nodded. You found what you liked. Give in. I couldn't help the low growl that came out of my throat. I ran towards the smell. There it was, basking in the setting sun, swishing it's tail. crouching down, I sprung on the huge cat, and it only had time for a single hiss before I ripped through it's tendons with ease, drinking greedily and hungrily. In no time at all, It was done, but the burning in my throat I had been ignoring since awakening as a vampire was still just as strong as ever.

This time, I didn't need Emmett's instructions. I ran after the next smell- not nearly as appealing as the Mountain lion. Crouching down, the bear spotted me and went up on all fours. the feral growl I had with the cat came up, and I growled back. It reared back slightly, and I pounced. It was almost as easy as the lion. All too soon, it, too, was drained.

"I'm still hungry!" I complained to Emmett, as I admiringly watched him finish off his grizzly with perfect ease and coordination. Despite how easy it was for me, I still looked like a complete mess, I thought, ruefully, wiping my mouth with the back of my hand.

He threw back his head and laughed, his beautiful, rich baritone ringing in the twilight.

Twilight, again. said a voice in my head. No matter how perfect the day is, it has to end.

Emmett stilled at my pained expression, and we quickly made work of a few more deer before heading home.

The next week flew by swiftly. Emmett never mentioned that the inevitable was bound to happen- he had to get back to his wife, his mate, Rose, and the rest of the Cullens. I never asked about them, and, he understood my unspoken request and never brought anyone up. A

A few days after our hunt, I caught Emmett on the phone, speaking in a hushed voice to Rose.

"I miss you, too, Baby. I can't just leave her here. The thought of her being alone to deal with this by herself.." he trailed off as he listened intently to what she said on the other end.

"He really isn't going to come around, is he." Emmett growled angrily and punched the wall.

"And Alice?" his face lightened up a bit and he said in a happier voice "That's wonderful! I'm relieved to hear that." I purposely started stomping around so I wouldn't have to eavesdrop any longer.

"Babe? I gotta go," he hurriedly said "I love you, too." He answered in a much tender voice.

I left it for a few more days, the thought of eternity alone petrifying me into staying silent. I realized, however, that I was being selfish. I had lived without half of my heart before. It was excruciating, but, I knew I could do it. No matter what had happened between Edward and myself, I still adored the Cullens, even if they no longer wanted me. So, because of my love for them, I decided to talk to the man who had become a beloved older brother. I brought it up while we were playing grand theft auto. Taking a deep breath, pausing the game, and sitting on my hands to hide the shaking, I pulled my face into a smooth mask that now became natural for me. Schooling my voice into something that I deemed at an acceptable level of casualness, I said:

"You must be missing Rose." Emmett's head whipped around and he immediately paused the game. "So," I went on, like nothing was amiss, "I was thinking of getting out of Forks. Maybe spend some time in a bush area, like Canada, or a place where I could stay away from humans. What do you think?"

Emmett immediately started shaking his head. "Bella, this is no problem. Lets just give in a some more time, I'm positive that if we wait a little while longer, Edward will come around, and.." he trailed off when I clutched at the lashing hole. I had forgotten just how painful it was. For a split second, I was tempted to take Emmett up on his offer. He put his arms around me, tightly, as I dry sobbed on his shoulder and got myself under a semblance of control. I very gently pushed him away.

"Emmett. We both know it isn't going to happen. It's been months. You yourself said I was on that couch for four months. Edward over-thinks everything, but we BOTH know he would have been back by now."

Emmett stared sadly at me, unable to contradict anything I said. I placed my hand on his huge one and squeezed gently. Besides, I can't keep tearing your family apart anymore." I said, very slightly stressing the your. "It makes me sad how much everyone is suffering. Thanks to you, I'll be O.K. I can't convey to you just how much that means to me." I said, smiling at him through tears I could never shed again.

He looked down at the controller, his throat working as he fiddled with the Xbox controller.

"Thanks for being the best big brother a gal could ask for." I stood up and squeezed his shoulder. "Tomorrow morning then. It's settled. I know I can't rest," I said, laughing lightly, "Although, I can fake it."

I got up one step and Emmett called to me.

"Bella?" I turned around and stepped down the stair.

"Yes?"

"For the record, my brother is a fool. You complete our family, and it's tearing not only myself, but everyone, including Rose, really," He said, in response to my skeptical expression at that "I'm really going to miss you, kiddo."

For the first time, I was glad I couldn't cry. With those words, the hole in my heart stretched to include a Cullen sized chunk missing, right alongside of the half Edward took with him. I nodded and smiled weakly, so I could head upstairs before breaking down.

I went into Alice's room for the first time since my change, trying to find something comfortable to wear before my day tomorrow- the day that marked the rest of eternity without any link to Edward, or my family.

I poked around her drawers, frustrated that I couldn't find anything. "How in the heck does Emmett know how to find this stuff?" I thought to myself. Exasperated after 20 minutes of fruitless searching- Esme's clothing wouldn't fit right and Rose's were too long- I opened her closet. There were clothes hanging up, with post-it notes saying simply. "Bella" On top of the closet, was a box with my name marked on it. I opened it, and was immediately assaulted with Edward's heavenly scent. One of my favorite gray thermals shirts I adored on him was folded in it. I picked it up and breathed it in. The note at the bottom stated

Bella-

I saw you would need this while I was packing for Jasper and I. The clothes are for you. Please, take them. I know you won't take any money, but, There is a simple Honda for you in the garage. You could have had the Hummer if you weren't so stubborn, so, as a compromise, I bought you this. We had to use your truck in order to prop your death. It's long gone. The makeup under the sink, and the toiletries are also for you. I tried doing anything I could to help you when you are- alone. I'm so very sorry, sweetie, for everything. I love you.

Alice

Next to the box was another one. I lifted it up, and in it were pictures of my parents, friends from school, Edward and I, other pictures of the Cullens. My favorite copy of Wuthering Heights was also inside. My Lullaby was conspicuously absent. Of course. I noticed Alice thoughtfully placed luggage in the closet as well. I swiftly packed everything in the suitcases, leaving out a travel bag full of toiletries, Edward's shirt, and a change of clothes for tomorrow. Being a vampire definitely has it's advantages, I thought to myself. I dragged everything into Edward's room and got ready to relax.

I curled up in Edward's shirt, reading my book, trying not to think about what tomorrow would bring. I knew I needed tonight to get my thoughts together. I immersed myself in the 18Th Century, desperately trying to take my mind off of anything. Fortunately, the distraction worked. I happily read for a few hours, until I heard yelling.

Emmett. I put my book down, slipped on my jeans, and padded barefoot downstairs.

"DAMMIT Edward!" he roared, swishing around cavernous Cullen kitchen. The bluetooth he was wearing showed me he had been on the phone for quite some time, and from the looks of it, things were about to get ugly.

"You heartless son-of-a-bitch!" he bellowed, even louder. "She still loves you! It hurts to see it .Don't you care at ALL?!" he paused for a few minutes, not even seeing me in his agitation. I was hesitant to interrupt, the thought of Edward being on the other side of the phone paralyzed me even further.

He snorted, loudly. Managing to make even that sound graceful. "Yes? Well, you have a funny way of showing it." Another brief pause. "Right, I know she did! You did, too, you self righteous prick!" Even with my vampire senses, all I heard was Edward's velvet tone, but couldn't make out any words. I decided to end it before it got any further. The thought of the family being at odds because of me tore me apart.

I cleared my throat, and he froze. The beautiful voice of my angel also stopped in its tracks.

I walked up and placed my hand on Emmett's arm and squeezed gently. "Please, don't fight about this, and not over me." I pleaded "It's not worth it", I said, smiling weakly. "Lets go finish up our game."

Emmett started to protest.

"Please, Emmett? This isn't the last memory I want to have." At that he nodded.

I forced myself to chuckle, adding "I'll leave you alone for a few minutes. I want to make sure everything is packed for tomorrow." I gracefully walked out of the room, but still managed to hear something before I got out of hearing distance.

"Now you show some remorse? Did you expect her to skip around singing?" I heard Emmett ask quietly in an attempt for it to not reach my ears. I quickened my pace and got up to Edward's room. I gathered up everything, leaving my clothing and toiletries for tomorrow in the bathroom. I gathered up the suitcases and found the keys to the new car Alice left me, deciding to be grateful for the gift. After all, I did need the car. I put the luggage in the trunk when I found it. It was beautiful. A Honda element, dark gray.

I came in just as Emmett was saying Goodbye to Edward. He quickly pasted on a bright smile and we spent the evening playing and laughing together. All too soon the clock struck six A.M. Giving Emmett a quick hug, I promised him I'd be right down after the shower.

Dressing in the simple long sleeved dark purple thermal and black jeans, I slipped a black hoodie over my head put sunglasses on my head, with my hair up in a ponytail. I added the black converse, gathered up the shampoos and soap, put on some mascara and a tiny bit of blush, and, on impulse, folded Edward's shirt over my arm.

I was ready. I silently went into Edward's room, and blew a kiss. "Thank you, my love. Even the short time we had together was worth it." I whispered to the room, and softly closed the door behind me.

I gathered up my things, yelled to Emmett that I was putting the last of my things in the car, and I'd be right back. As soon as I was satisfied everything was properly put away in the car, I went back to the house to do the thing I was dreading the most. Saying goodbye to Emmett was going to be hard.

As I stepped into the beautiful old mansion, I noticed Emmett was also ready, keys in hand. Dressed in a simple t-shirt that hugged him in all the right places and jeans, he was a beautiful specimen of a male. To me, though, he was like a huge teddy bear. The brother I'd always wanted and had for a short period of time.

I flung myself at Emmett and dry sobbed while he stroked my hair. I looked up at his beloved face, memorizing every detail.

The old grandfather clock in the mansion struck seven A.M.

"Goodbye, Em. I'll miss you. I Love you, and thank you- for everything." I choked out. "Be sure to give everyone my love."

"I will, squirt," he said, gruffly. "Take.. take care of yourself. I love you, kiddo." Emmett strode swiftly off into the den, most likely to start turning off the power. He looked back one last time and gave me a sad smile.

I couldn't speak. I just nodded, and swiftly left the house, pausing to leave my cellphone and keys to the mansion on the table. My last links with Forks. It was a fresh start, but not necessarily a happy start.

I started the car, and as I turned off down the road leading to the house, I saw Emmett locking up, and preparing to leave himself. Back to his family. I pulled over to compose myself. as I moved to rest my head on the steering wheel, I felt my pocket crinkle.

" A receipt?" I thought to myself, as I pulled out a slip of paper. I unfolded it and it read:

"You didn't think I was going to allow you to leave knowing you'd be out in the wilderness somewhere, alone, with no money, or anyone to look after you? Look in the glove box. I opened it up, and a check, in my name, read $500,000.00. Please, Bells, take it. You will need it ,and I'll worry myself sick if you aren't looking after yourself properly. It's from MY personal account. -Emmett.

It took me a good hour to compose myself. I finally was able to get it together. I started the car back up, driving at what I called vampire speed. I passed the old Downtown forks. Grateful for the tinted windows. I saw one of the pack brothers- Seth, I think, sharply look at the car and squint trying to see who was inside, flaring his nostrils. I held my breath, hoping he wouldn't go any further. He didn't. He simply shrugged, gave the car a wave, and with that, I knew he, at least, knew I was here, and leaving, seeing the direction I was heading. I passed Angela, Ben, Eric, Jessica, and Mike walking out of the Sports equipment store Mike's parent's owned laughing , their whole lives ahead of them- and unbelievably happy. It was fitting that I saw them on my way out, and silently wished them nothing but happiness for the rest of their lives. As I turned down the road leaving forks, I saw my father pass lights flashing. I breathed a sigh of relief for the tinted windows. I finally saw it.

"You are now leaving Forks. Come back soon."

z I sadly watched the missing piece to our family drive down the road, and disappear across the bend. I looped back in the house making sure the gas was off, plugs unplugged, furniture covers on appliances wrapped up the list went on, and took me a good hour. One everything was in place, I turned to lock up, and set the extra sets of keys on the side table by the door, opening the drawer underneath it to find the box for our keys and such. this was going with me on the plane. I heard something clatter. Acting human is pretty ingrained in my family's life, so I did the human thing and turned the light on.

It was a phone. I turned on the power switch. Bella's phone, and her keys to the mansion. At that moment, I got a call on my own phone, indicating it was Edward.

"Yes?" I snapped at him tersely. He didn't waste words.

"Is she gone?" he asked, ignoring my words.

"What the hell do YOU think, Edward? I don't have time for this nonsense. I have a plane to catch in Seattle in less than four hours."

"Right, Em." Edward said, sarcastically. I could see the smirk on his face, and after the events that transpired, I wanted to shove him through a wall. However, Bella's words came back to me. She asked me not to fight, and I'd try, for her sake. He went on to say " You could walk there faster than the car can go."

"Ed, what is your point?" I asked, letting more sharpness pepper through each word.

"Is she gone?"

"Oh, you were serious about that? Yes, she left over an hour ago. Why do you care?" I asked, bitterly.

I heard Edward take in a sharp breath of air.

"Where was she headed.?" He asked, holding his breath for a response.

I decided to hit him with the truth. I wasn't going to cuddle him with this.

"Honestly Edward, I have no idea."

A low hiss of air is all I heard.

"What do you mean, you have no idea?!" Edward asked, raising his voice with each word.

I had finally had enough.

"WHY?!" I bellowed so loudly one of the windows in the den broke. SHIT. I lowered my voice.

"I don't know, maybe, because five months ago, you left her to deal with the transition of being a newborn alone. She screamed for you Edward, the whole time. You never came."

"Sh- "

"Then, when she woke up, there was a letter- on your wedding invitations, no less. I know this, because Rose handed it to me when she, Dad, and Mom left to meet up with you in Chicago."

"B-"

I cut him off and continued. "I don't know what it said, but I'm guessing it was bad, because for four months she laid on YOUR couch, starving herself and not moving, because you broke her heart into a million pieces."

"Em-"

I again stopped him, ruthless in my pursuit of making him understand exactly what he did. "I finally got her to get up and hunt. What does she choose? Mountain lion. Of all things," I said, snorting at the irony, but not in amusement. I heard a pained intake of unneeded air, and quickly plunged ahead.

"She finally seemed happy. She was smiling. Apparently, though, she heard Rose and I talking, and she goes and does what she always does. Put others before herself. She talked with me, and convinced me to go back to Rose. My GOD Edward. Her face."

Edward was silent. I thought to myself while laughing bitterly, "This is a first." I continued to talk, like a madman possessed. He needed to hear all of it.

We were having a good last night. She talked to me, convinced me to go, and when I called you to talk some sense into you, in an attempt to convince her to stay, you wouldn't hear it. True to Bella, Edward, she was distraught over us fighting. That conversation, however, I don't have to repeat. You heard."

I paused to give him his chance. he didn't say a word.

Not hearing anything, I continued on. "This morning was very hard. It was hard to let her go. The family, however, will go by what you want. What you wanted, dear brother, was to have her out of your life. She complied with your wishes. On her way out, she left her cell phone and the mansion keys on the side table."

I heard Edward take in a deep, sobbing, shocked breath.

I babbled on, needing to finish what I had to say, not wanting to be ruthless anymore, but rather out of desperation to get it all out before the moment was over.

"She's absolutely beautiful, Edward. It's like her beautiful spirit inside is glowing on the outside. It rivals Rose's beauty. As Rose's husband, that is absolutely shocking for me to say." I said, almost reverently thinking about when Bella first woke up. Her beauty was...stunning.

I heard nothing from Edward, except for a few smothered sobs and deep breaths.

I continued. "Her transformation did nothing to dampen her soul. She is the most controlled newborn I have ever seen, I said, my voice softening as I thought about everything.

Then, remembering I was speaking with Edward, my voice hardened. Alice and I took care of her. We tag teamed her. Alice bought her a car and clothing, I gave her money from my own checking account.." I emphasized my own checking account. "Just in case you wouldn't want any of you own money going to her.

Edward stopped me in my tracks. "Be careful, Emmett. How dare you talk to me in that tone of voice," he hissed. "You call me self-righteous?"

I let him finish his sentence and returned with "How could I not talk to you like that? You left a woman you professed to love alone, during the worst pain anyone could ever go through, and then left her to deal with the shock of being a newborn on top of the knowledge of being rejected."

"IT KILLED ME TO DO IT! SHE BETRAYED MY CONFIDENCE! SHE WENT BEHIND MY BACK! COERCED JASPER TO BITE HER!!! He roared, as I held the phone from my ear.

"Oh? Like you did anything better. She agreed to marry you, and at the last minute you backed out of YOUR promise. Rose and you had no right to speak and think for her."

"You agreed, Em, at the voting-"

"I agreed because that is what you do for your mate- show support."

The silence stretched out until it became too unbearable for me.

"Edward, Bella changed, for you. She left her family. For you. What does she have now? A broken heart. No family. No friends. No home. All she has left in this world is a car, a check, new clothes with a small box of pictures and YOUR shirt."

This time, Edward couldn't keep his sob hidden. "Emmett, are you sure you didn't know where she was headed," he said, desperately.

"Edward, bro, I'm sorry, man. No. She has to stay hidden. Even if she cashes her check, we can't guarantee that she'll be in that city. She's gone." I said, gently.

"Ed, I have to fix Esme's window, and book a later flight. I'll see you when I get home. Take care of yourself. Rose will be picking me up, so I'll see you when I get there

The last thing I heard before the phone disconnected was Edward dry sobbing in earnest. I couldn't even bring myself to be angry at him. I missed my little sister, and wished desperately that the wedding Scheduled for August had gone as planned and we were one big, happy, family. I sighed and dialed everything I needed to.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Eleven P.M the plane from Seattle to Chicago touched down, and I ran into my beautiful mate's waiting arms. "I've missed you, Rose," I growled. "Mmmmm" she purred. "Show me just how much when we get home."

I happily agreed.

On the way home, Rose quietly asked me about Bella. I told her everything that had happened.

"For someone so smart, Edward makes very stupid decisions." I finished up by saying.

Rose stared at me, entwining her fingers through mine, repeatedly. A nervous habit she had picked up during our years together.

"He was trying to protect her humanity." she protested.

"Rose, babe- it wasn't his decision, it was hers. Just because you and Ed weren't happy, does not mean she wouldn't be. I was happy as a vampire. I woke up and saw the most beautiful woman in the world." I tenderly leaned forward to kiss her. Thank goodness for vampire reflexes.

"Rosie, had I never been a vampire, I never would have had this. It's the same for Bella."

"Rose stared at our entwined hands, and said in a quiet voice, "I never thought of it that way."

We quietly contemplated our conversation the rest of the way. As I turned into the new street, I asked Rose to point out which house. We were temporarily staying in Edward's family home while we looked for a new house. I pulled into a quaint Victorian Mansion.

My family was waiting for me. I gave Alice, Dad, and Mom hug, while shaking Jasper and Edward's hands. Rosie purred in my ear and I carried her upstairs while she gave me directions to our bedroom between kissing. As I closed the door, I heard the mournful sound of Edward's lullaby to his Bella. 


	4. Chapter 4

Wanted to add that this is supposed to be the third chapter, but can't figure out how to change it on FF. thank you.

Chapter 3 Preparations

November, 2008

Seattle, Washington.

Bella POV

Life goes on. It always will. Even as an immortal.

I spent the last 7 months of my exile from humanity in a sleepy little coastal town in Canada known as Chilliwack. However, the day I parted from Emmet, remembering some information I had heard between Jasper and Edward a few months before my change, I headed to Seattle for a week.

At that point I had no idea the true extent of my powers, but I found out quite by accident just how controlled of a newborn I really was. I had been driving towards Seattle, speeding like a demon out of hell. A mounting urgency for me to put miles between myself and the source of my over-whelming despair had me, for the first time in my life, speeding. I found that just like the running, I adored it.

As I was belting out a song by Jordan Sparks on the radio, I heard a loud booming sound, exactly like a gunshot. My car started shaking and I realized very quickly that my tire had blown out. I pulled over to the side of the road, chuckling to myself about how my luck continued to be terrible even as a mythological creature. Thanks to my incredible reflexes and quick acting vampire mind, I was able to easily navigate the car to the side of the road. I quickly popped the trunk open noting that there was a brand new tire in the back. My dead heart sank when I saw that there wasn't a car jack.

"SHIT!" I yelled. I had left my cellphone at the mansion, and I now regretted it.

I pulled my sunglasses over my eyes in case I forgot to do so later. I put the hazard lights on and used the alarm puck to lock the doors. I barely walked three feet when A friendly looking man with bright blue eyes and black hair slowed parked across from me and came over to where I was standing.

"Hey, pretty lady. Is there anything I can help you with?." He asked.

Horrified I started to step back when it hit me his smell wasn't appealing. It didn't smell like gourmet food at all to me. To say I was only a little shocked wasn't even close. Thankfully, the man never showed any sign he saw my initial reaction. Yet another plus in my favor of my new existence.

I smiled back at the kind man, careful not to show my teeth. From experience watching others interact with the Cullens, I understood that it made them afraid, even if they had no idea the why. The last thing I wanted to do was make him ill at ease.

Keeping the grin on my face, I replied, " I seem to have had a blowout. It's an new car. I didn't even have time to buy a jack.

"Well," he told me, his smile increasing, making crinkles at the corner of his eyes deepen, reminding me of Charlie. I felt a tiny pang and didn't let anything betray on my face. "I think I have just the thing to help you."

I lightly giggled, as a normal teenager would, and played the helpless part I was expected to play. He quickly got to work, keeping up a stream of light, friendly chatter.

"So, where you headed?"

"Seattle." I answered.

"Oh? Going to school there?"

"Yeah," I lied, "I'm checking out the grounds, getting a layout for a school, the surrounding area on where to rent an apartment. I like to be prepared."

"Getting a late start, are you?"

"I had a family emergency."

"Heck, maybe I'll see you there. I teach English 110."

"Maybe. I've settled on majoring in English. I'm planning on teaching later." The lying was a lot easier now, I mused to myself as he continued to chatter on. It was very easy to answer at the correct times, saying exactly the right things.

When he was done, he stood up and wiped his hands on his black chinos.

"Thank you so much!" I told him, placing my hand over my non-existent heart as a gesture of gratitude while making a production of slipping on my gloves for the handshake I knew was coming.

"No problem, I was happy to help, Miss-?" he hinted.

Striding forward at a human pace, extending my hand, "Masen. Christine Masen."

"O.K. Miss Masen, I hope to see you in my class, and drive safe." He waited until I was safely in my car and pulling out before he continued on the opposite direction down the highway.

Breathing a sigh of relief, and refusing dwell on the name that slipped out, I slipped into my gray element and drove the rest of the way to Seattle at the breakneck speed I was doing before, until I reached the city. I navigated around Seattle until I found Zions First National Bank on Union Street I had used as a human. Thanks to my working at the Newton's Olympic Outfitters, and the somewhat regular deposits Phil and my parents made to my account, I knew I had just under 23 thousand. I fervently hoped it was enough for the false paperwork I was planning on getting while in Seattle. The check Emmett gave me was a godsend. It didn't have my name on it, so I could add my assumed name later. Because my name would be on my cashier's check that I planned on withdrawing from my account at my current bank (while keeping some in there so not to alert my parents-just in case- that the account was closed) my plans were to open up an account at a bank that was accessible world wide, and have a debit card so I could withdraw cash. It wouldn't be traced, especially if I never used my old name for anything else. If push came to shove, I could easily have the accounts deposited online to my new identity. I was confident there were enough Isabella Swans out there that it wouldn't make a difference. I mentally reminded myself to open up a post office box here in Seattle so any letters from the bank would go straight there. Thankfully, it took up to 7 years to be declared legally dead in Washington unless you worked to get it done sooner- like in the cases of the wealthy. I wasn't from a wealthy family, and as heartbroken as I was at the loss of my parents, I was grateful that my parents were still holding on to false hopes to pursue the long paper trail it took. Maneuvering my vehicle easily between two huge trucks, I went into the bright bank.

Just in case, I held my breath as the smell of the humans assaulted my senses. Like before, the smell was revolting. Exactly like rust and salt. It truly held no appeal for me at all. I wondered why that was, as the animals I hunted didn't give me that type of a reaction. Still, even with my unusual reaction, after signing in for the next available representative, I stayed far away from any other people. I still, after all, had these eyes. Glasses or not, It didn't hurt to be careful.

"Miss Swan?" A crisp, professional asked, while I was flipping through a People magazine.

I put the magazine down and stood up.

"Follow me." She led me to the other side of the beautifully decorated lobby to an oak desk.

the black name plate with white engraved letters proclaimed her name to be Wendy Cho. She folded her capable hands on the desk and said,

"What can I do for you?"

"I'd like to withdraw the money from my account, putting it in a cashier's check. I'm off to school, and I wasn't able to find a Zions bank on the East Coast."

She nodded, and started to type into the computer.

"Isabella Swan? one N?" she asked, and typed something else into the computer seeing my quick nod.

"May I see your I.D?" Slipping my wallet out of my jeans that I found at the bottom of the box of pictures, I dug out my license. I held my breath. It looked like me, but barely. She only gave it a cursory look and handed it back.

"Password? Or, Pass phrase?" She said, smiling a little.

Thankful for my sunglasses and inability to cry, I answered "The Lamb and Lion."

"Lastly, confirm the last four digits of your social. "6418."

"Excellent. Just wait a second while I pull up your account information," she said, while pulling out a packet and placing it in front of me. "Just sign these papers. "It will take a few seconds more for it to pull up. Ah! There we go."

I heard a soft intake of air, but paid it no attention. I was too busy filling out paperwork.

"Miss Swan?" I looked up to see her give a strained smile. "I have to go talk to one of my associates. Please, continue filling out the paperwork. I'll be back as soon as possible."

She had no way of knowing that my writing was inhumanly swift, so I nodded and pretended to still be filling it out. I pushed my glasses down, and studied her from across the room from under my lashes. She was waving her arms around in agitation, gesturing towards me, speaking with a well-dressed man I put to be in his mid-40's, well into pattern baldness, but with a very handsome, distinguished face. I assumed he was the bank manager. He placed his hand under Miss (or Mrs. I honestly had no idea) Cho's arm and lead her back to my desk. He got his worker a chair to sit on and he took the seat she had occupied.

He gazed at me intently for a few seconds before asking,

"Miss Swan? Or do you prefer Isabella?"

"Miss Swan will do just fine. Or Bella, please." I replied.

"Miss Swan, may I ask you why you are wanting to withdraw all of your funds?"

" I've told your associate this already, sir. I'm on my way to college on the East Coast. You don't have and Zions Bank on the East Coast."

"Can I interest you in using our online banking feature, and keeping your account open with Zions?"

"No, Thank you, sir-" I started

"Mr Thornton."

"No Thank you, Mr. Thornton, I said, emphasizing Thornton.

He gazed at me contemplatively and drummed his fingers on the desk while glancing at his associate.

I was starting to feel slightly irritated, but I forced myself to be calm. I gazed at him, and asked

"Is there a problem, sir?" purposely dropping the informality of using his last name. We weren't friends, and it was ridiculous he was holding me up.

"Not a problem Miss Swan. You have a very large amount of money in your account. A great deal too much to just walk out with a cashiers check."

"I don't understand." I stated coldly. "Is there a policy preventing me from doing so?" I interrupted his reply as suddenly his words sunk in.

I leaned forward. "What do you mean, a large amount of money?" I asked, urgently.

He raised his eyebrows. "You mean you don't know?" He asked, his eyebrows raised so far they touched the strip of bangs he had left on his head.

I struggled to keep my temper. I wanted out of there to finish the rest of my day. Glancing at the clock on the wall which read 12:32.

"No, sir. Last time I looked at my account, which was my last day of work, was the end of May. I had no reason to do so before that. My account was strictly for college. I ask again, but will revise it. Is there a policy preventing me, and also, how much IS in my account?"

"To answer your earlier question, Miss, no, no policy. Just not usual. As to your second question.."

The manager glanced around, and wrote something down on a slip of paper. My account read $1,022,982.15

My mouth nearly dropped open before I realized who and where I was.

Leaning forward, I anxiously asked, "Who deposited this? What month?" I had to remind myself to not speak at vampire speed.

Mr Thornton typed a few things into the computer and said,

"June 16Th, 2008 was when it was deposited." My heart dropped a little, and I told myself that it might not be Edward that deposited those funds. Intently staring at the screen, he shook his head.

"The computer doesn't say who deposited the funds, but in the back vault we have copies of the checks categorized. Would you like me to find out?"

"Yes, please!" I said, trying to keep calm.

"Mrs. Cho, You can go back to other customers. I'll take it from here." She smiled, told me it was nice working with me, and went back to work.

I picked up the people magazine in an attempt to keep myself calm. Flipping through the usual bits about Brangalina and the brood of children, fashion faux pas, and the like.

"Miss. Swan?"

I looked up to find Mr Thornton holding a white slip of paper.

"I found it. Would you like to see it?"

Wordlessly I nodded and he handed the paper over to me, his diamond wedding band flashing in the light.

I lifted my glasses in an attempt to seem even more human. I was careful to hide my eyes with my lashes.

Sure enough, there, on the copy of the check was MY Edward's handwriting. "No," I thought bitterly, "No longer MINE."

on the blank line on the bottom of the check it simply read For our future. I took in a sharp, short, unneeded breath in an attempt to steady my voice.

"Is everything okay, Miss Swan?"

"Yes, everything is fine." Yeah, sure it is, I added to myself.

"Listen, Mr. Thornton, I appreciate your research into this matter. However, I'm still firm in my decision."

He continued to try to argue with me for a good 15 more minutes before I finally had enough. The clock now read 1:30. I needed to stop by an optical shop before my next errand. This yahoo was holding me up and I no longer hand the patience for it. I could feel my rage building, so I simply pushed my glasses up on my head and looked at him directly, knowing my eyes were pitch black.

I smiled at him, showing all of my teeth, and said, " I need to go now, Mr. Thornton. Again, thank you for your help, but my mind, truly, is made up. I'll keep a few hundred dollars in here in case I change my mind."

He turned white immediately and quickly agreed, taking a few steps back.

"Leave five hundred dollars in there." I instructed him, placing my glasses back on my face.

He came back very quickly with my cashiers check. I thanked him, and he nodded and walked away on slightly shaky legs.

I sighed, and left the bank.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I drove aimlessly around until I found the mall that Alice always told me was "So plebeian, Bella!" Pacific Place, the mall of her choice with it's ridiculously expensive designer name stores was always out of my price range. Alice always brushed me off and bought stuff anyway. On the rare occasions I had gone shopping without one hyper pixie, I always chose the Northgate Mall.

Thankfully, grabbing the colored contacts, which brown like my human eyes were, wasn't very difficult. Brown eyes weren't the popular choice It seemed.

While there, I decided to the watch I had been eying a few months before my change, the analog pink dial watch at Fossil. I felt out of sorts not having a cellphone anymore, mostly because time was limited, at least while I was here I didn't have time to drive around the city searching for things, nor did I need to guess at the time. So, I mentally put buying a new cellphone on my ever-growing list of things to do before leaving Seattle.

On my way out of the mall, I put on the watch, throwing out the bag and making sure the receipt was ripped to shreds- again, being cautious and mindful of the fact Bella Swan was supposed to be dead.

I rushed to the car as fast as I dared, and glanced at my watch which read it was 4pm. I groaned to myself and headed to the bank I had researched the last week I was with Emmett and trying to formulate a plan about what to do next. i knew, of course, that the hassle of opening and closing accounts was insane. I needed to find a bank that would support Canada, and Bank of America was a great bank to do so. The online features were wonderful, easy enough to do from anywhere. Dreading my upcoming exile, I realized that the BFE Canada wouldn't offer me Internet- much less wireless. I would have to use libraries here and there for access for any online transfers. The check cards being accessible was a godsend.

I pulled into the bank. I was more confident this time as to my control around everyone. I was told that the checks would take up to 3 business days to clear. It didn't bother me considering I had given myself a week- possibly longer if the papers took longer than my anticipated week.

I ducked into a public library, and, before getting my new forwarding address set up, I deleted my email account from my human life. Needing desperately to giggle and let my tension go just for a little while, I made my new gmail address ~, then got down to business, completing an online post office box from something called Earth Class Mail, and submitting a document that assured my privacy, while giving the site permission to receive my mail. This service allowed my mail to be submitted and available online. I could instruct the paper mail to be destroyed on the spot. I chose my P.O. box, just to amuse myself at the irony, to Sunny Las Vegas Nevada. Satisfied with my production for my first day, I decided it was time to find a hotel for the week.

Pausing to push on my sunglasses, I asked the kindly elderly gentlemen who signed me up for an hour of computer use, f if he knew of a moderately priced motel in the neighborhood, and he was happy to give me the address to the one his daughter and grand kids stayed at while visiting him every year. Conveniently enough, there was a Barnes and Noble right by the library, and I decided to pick up Jane Eyre Romeo and Juliet, and a book that caught my Eye called the Duma Key. Usually not my tastes, but I needed to forget the crushing loneliness that was already hitting me full-force.

With my incredible memory recall, that I still was trying to get used to, I easily found the Motel the gentlemen, Arthur, gave me the directions to. A Motel 6. With the fact my checks were on hold for three days, it was perfect, just in my price range. I quickly checked in and paid with the cash I withdrew, not wanting any holds on my account, given the circumstances. I dragged up the ridiculous amount of luggage Alice had set aside for me (because of the ridiculous amount of clothing) and settled down for the night. I managed to keep myself busy, blessedly for me, so I didn't have to dwell on what was to come. The sounds of humanity surrounding me comforted me, even if I wasn't able to reach out to any of them.

Morning hit very quickly. I waited until business were open for the day, and very easily found the name J. Jenks Law services in the phonebook. I never dreamed I'd ever meet him, but his name was memorable enough for me even with my murky human mind. I called, tersely asked for a Mr. Jenks, and explained I was a friend of the Cullens. He immediately had me transferred to his line, and made plans for me to meet with him at 2pm that afternoon, at a popular local steakhouse that Charlie took me to the night I graduated High School, called Morton's.

I continued to keep myself occupied in the room until It was nearing time. Instead of my usual Jeans and shirt, I pulled out a gray cashmere dress, nylons and modest pumps, sucking my breath in shock when I noticed they were Jimmy choos. (three suitcases full of just shoes, of all things) I put my hair in curlers so it fell in shiny waves framing my face and spilling down my back. I added the heart bracelet, which I now knew to be diamond, Edward had left on my wrist during my change. I rooted around in the box of pictures which I remembered and included some jewelry, a few necklaces, earrings, and bracelets. No rings, however, I was immensely grateful for Alice's thoughtfulness. I chose a white gold heart locket, studded with tiny diamonds. I didn't bother to open it at the time, not knowing that there was something in there. I spritzed on perfume I found in my pale pink caboodle box, put on my brown contacts, and added mascara and a touch of blush. Glanced in the mirror, and was not surprised I looked perfect. I tried not to think about what a waste it truly was.

I went as fast as I dared towards downtown Seattle, and was 20 minutes early for my appointment with . A host kept approaching, attempting to engage me into flirting with him me as I sat there with my prop of coffee at the bar. I politely smiled at him and said I was waiting for someone, a Mr. Jenks. He looked disappointed at my rebuffs at his careful attempts to feel out my interest.

Right on time, a very stressed out looking Man in his mid-to late-40's approached the host and asked if a young woman was waiting for him, and he pointed me out, as I sat seemingly interested in the television, and pretending to sip my coffee.

He approached me, cleared his throat, and said, "I'm sorry Miss, you never did give me your name." His heart was pounding very hard in his chest. you could tell he was absolutely terrified.

Making sure my hand grabbed the coffee cup full on, I made a show of setting it down and extending my hand. Smiling charmingly at him, more to put him at ease, I softly said, "Hello, Mr. Jenks. Why don't we sit down and discuss that, perhaps somewhere more private?"

XXXXXX

Mr Jenks, putting his hand under my elbow in a gentlemanly fashion, asked the host to give us a table as private as possible.

Making sure I used very slow movements, showed no teeth, and kept my hands warm, I managed to put him at ease in short order.

"May I order you anything? They are known for their steaks, of course, but they have a full selection of seafood as well."

"No, thank you, Mr. Jenks. I ate before our meeting, and even if I hadn't, I'm afraid I'm strictly vegetarian."

He gazed at me for a few seconds before shyly saying,

"It agrees with you."

I glanced at him from under my lashes, bit my lip in my old, human, fashion, and said, "Thank you."

"I'm afraid you have me in a very awkward position, Miss. I have no idea what to call you. It's new to me, and I'm a bit more anxious than I should be about that fact." He turned bright red. I could see why Edward found it so appealing. Beautiful.

"Julia is just fine for now, Mr. Jenks."

"Ah, Julia, what a lovely name. Not really your own, though, I take it?"

I liked this man. Even though I could tell he consorted with some shady people, he was very kind and acted a gentlemen despite his business dealings. I decided to tell him a little bit of the truth.

"Mr. Jenks." I began.

"Please, Julia, call me Jay."

"Jay, then." I said with a brilliant, close mouthed smile.

"I'm not in any trouble, I assure you, Jay. However, I don't want anyone knowing I was here. Not even the Cullens. If I even hint to you who I am or what my name is, they will know who I am."

"You don't think I will tell Mr. Jasper?" He asked me bluntly.

"No, Jay. I think that despite everything, you understand that this aspect of your job is to keep things to yourself. I'm prepared to pay you. I'm hoping that it isn't too much. Despite my connection to the Cullens, I am afraid I don't have unlimited resources."

He pulled out a paper and named a figure that would have almost completely wiped out the contents of my bank account before the check and deposits. 22k.

"If you want it before the usual five days, I'm afraid you have to tack on an additional ten thousand per day." he said, apologetically.

He slid me a packet of papers. "I'll fill these out here, Jay, while you enjoy your steak."

I quickly filled out the papers, choosing Bethany Carlie Curlen as my name. B for Bella and Beth, because despite everything, I wanted some connection to Edward. Beth was for his Mother, Elizabeth Masen. Charlie and Carlisle. for Carlie. Curlen was pretty obvious.

"Julia, I assume you need a passport?"

I nodded at him, and he turned pink with embarrassment. I'm afraid it's an additional 5k for that.

"No problem, Jay. I assume you are okay with me paying in full at our next meeting?"

"Usually I expect at least half of it up front. However, your connections tell me it's safe to trust you."

Handing him the paperwork, I made sure to fake sip my now filled steaming cup of coffee . I extended my now warm hand and said, "I'll be in touch, Jay. I assume It's safe to say Friday?"

"Yes. Until we meet again, Miss Julia."

XXXX

During the next five days, I stayed out of site, reading, visiting the library frequently. I did some research on a phone, and settled with Nokia 95 8gb smart phone. I decided as soon as I was able, I would get a MacBook Air, along with that on my way out of town. Thankfully, I was so busy making sure any loose ends were tied up, the time didn't go by slowly at all.

I called Jay that Friday, and this time we met at a famous Seattle location, the original Starbucks. He thoughtfully noticed my preference for Coffee.

I donned a pair of Uggs, a mid-calf jean skirt, and a cowl neck sweater. This time I threw my hair into a bun and chose to have the jewelry from the other night on. The bracelet never left my wrist, and I adored the necklace. Somehow my thumb got caught on the latch to open the locket, and it swung open, revealing A picture of Edward and I at the Prom my Junior year on one side, and on the other side, a Picture of Edward and I taken about a week before my change. I was on his lap, looking into his eyes, and he was smiling his breathtaking crooked grin.

It took me awhile to compose myself. I was thankful for the meeting, or else I would have completely fallen apart. I silently thanked Alice, for the umpteenth time.

I pushed it out of my mind, and took off to the bank. I checked my account at the ATM machine and was grateful that all funds were a go. went into the bank and withdrew cash, thinking that was the best way for this transaction.

Thankfully I wasn't late when I pulled up for my meeting, but Mr Jenks was there before me, this time. He pushed a large manilla envelope towards me, and I quickly thumbed through it, not quite sure what I was looking for, exactly. Everything looked fine to me. A social security card, a Birth Certificate saying my place of Birth was in New Jersey, a Washington drivers license, and a passport. "Everything looks perfect, Jay." I told him, warmly.

"Thank you, Julia."

Pretending to take a long sip of my latte, I glanced at my watch.

With real regret, I said to Mr. Jenks, "Jay, I have quite a bit of things to do. I do hate to cut our meeting short."

"Of course, Miss Julia. May I be so bold as to say you are a very lovely young woman, and it was a pleasure doing business with you."

"Thank you, Jay," I said, softly. I held out my hand I was careful to warm and clasped my other warmed hand over his, affectionately.

"Have a very Merry Holiday season," I said cheerily, as I pulled his envelope full of cash and handed it to him. "It's all there," I assured him.

I gathered my envelope and clutch purse, turned around, and waved to Mr. Jenks, leaving Starbucks and Mr. Jenks.

I had a late checkout of the hotel, but there was no reason to stay anymore. I packed the car in near vampire speed. On impulse, after I had picked up my phone, bluetooth accessories, and laptop, I stopped at a car dealership right before I made my way out of Seattle. I traded my paid for car, that I had put in my new name earlier that week, for a black and red element. I couldn't tell you at the time what made me think of it, it was purely on instinct. while waiting for the paperwork so I could leave, I set up the bluetooth and called the realtor in Chilliwack. she told me that there was a fully private plot right near the Lake, and I set up a meeting with her the following afternoon. Just after hanging up, the Salesman gave me the thumbs up. I transferred everything to the new vehicle, and drove off to my seven month exile, my brief connection to humanity gone. 


	5. Chapter 5

Exile chapter 4

I made it there with plenty of time to spare, thanks to the breakneck speed I was going. I met a motherly woman in front of a grocery store called Canada Safeway Limited.

I parked the car in front of the store and she introduced herself. "Hello, Dear, I'm Linda, and you must be Bethany."

"Yes."

"Well, come on and climb in." she said, beaming at me.

I did so, glancing around the breathtaking landscape.

"Oh!," she said, looking at the paperwork near my feet. "I'll just move these papers out of your way." She swept them up and jogged around to the back, throwing them in the trunk. I felt the car shake at the force of the trunk door slamming down.

"Anything you would like to know about the town?" She asked me, smiling, her gray eyes kind.

"I like to keep to myself. I just lost my parents a few months back, and I'm here for some solitude, a place to think and to decide the direction of my life. What is the population? What are things the locals do around the town?" I asked her.

"You poor dear," she softly said, touching my hand softly with the back of her black suede gloved hand. "You are so young to have endured all that at such a young age. So pretty, too."

"Thank you." I said, sweeping my eyelashes downwards, my face showing true grief.

She started up the car and straightened up, turning the wipers on, as a mixture of rain and snow on the windshield.

"Are you cold dear?" She asked, and turned on the heater as she saw my nod of confirmation. "Good! I sure am. Well, to answer your questions, we have a population of just under 70,000. Despite that, it has a very small town feel to it. It's a great place in the summer, attracting lots of visitors. Camping, hiking, hunting, and fishing, to name a few, are huge attractions 'round here."

In what I hope sounded nonchalant, I asked "Hunting? Oh? What kinds of animals?"

She snorted indelicately and answered "Too much. Bear, birds, deer, elk, moose. Not far away seal hunting, too. Although, I don't agree with that at all."

I looked at her with amusement. "I take it you don't like hunting?" just in case she found it suspicious, I added, wistfully, "My father loved to fish and hunt occasionally."

"Oh, not at all, dear," she said in a motherly voice. "I can't understand why Gilbert, my husband, stomachs it."

I smiled in camaraderie. "I swear, thanks to Ch-Dad, I know at least 100 ways to cook fish!" I abruptly stopped smiling, the hole in my chest aching unbearably.

she glanced at me unhappily from the corner of her eye, understanding where my thoughts were, so she hurriedly said, turning down a Street next to a beautiful lake reading Elgin Street, "This is the road you turn down, then about two miles down a dirt road is your plot. I'm afraid the city doesn't keep up with housing around here."

"It sounds perfect." I said quickly, assuring her.

"A pretty thing like you. What a tragedy. You should be with boyfriends, having the time of your life. Not mourning." she mused out loud.

As we drove towards the house, she told me about the house, and the owners. "Mr and Mrs. Tremblay lived on this plot of land until their sixth kid moved out and got married to a local boy, and they moved away when her new husband got a job in the States. They decided they hated being so far away from their children and grandchildren, so they bought themselves a home near where most of the children settled. New York, somewhere in the Eastern part of the United States. The house is big, I'm afraid it may be TOO big for your tastes," She said, worriedly biting the corner of her top lip. "However, it's lovely, and the price is right. It's set at 800 a month." she finished, quickly, apparently holding her breath hoping it wasn't too much. She turned down the dirt road she had described.

"Well," I began, "It sounds just lovely, so far. I'll have to see the house, of course. The price sounds nice. How big is the house?"

"Four bedrooms, two 1/2 baths. Lovely gray brick house. they also have an attic. Electric, and plumbing set up. A dock with a boat fully working, in case you'd want to use the boat and go on the lake. Although, in the winter it's near impossible."

"Internet?" I asked, already knowing the answer.

"Not high-speed. Phones work, though."

She suddenly smiled, and pointed in front of her, stopping the car.

"Here we are!" I looked and saw a good-sized gray brick home, looking almost like what i pictured, in my head, a house on Avonlea Island to look like. The deck was wrap-around, and it had a huge picture window in the front.

I reached into the black coach, of course, purse Alice had put in one of my many suitcases and pulled out my ivory cashmere gloves, putting them on, and gathering my long, ivory, cashmere coat pulling that on, as well. Thinking harder about it, I pulled out a silver colored hair barrette, and clipped my hair back, then followed her up the short steps to the front door.

She opened it quickly, pointing things out. A steep tiled stair case led up to the second floor, with a balcony over looking the foyer. That leads upstairs, there are three floors in total, including the attic. She walked to her right, revealing a front room, sparsely furnished with a dark blue denim love seat, and a white floor lamp. She walked into the room behind it, and I gasped in delight. A library! With my vampire eyes, I was able to see that it was filled with classic along with modern authors as well, like Koontz and King, to name a few. An antique mahogany desk was in a corner, with a dark green desk lamp on it.

"You like to read, dear?" she asked..

"Very much!!" I exclaimed, "They seem to have kept up with reading material."

"The oldest boy had a very messy divorce and stayed here for about three years." she confessed with all the censor of a small town mindset. "He just moved out about three months back. Emma and Matthew couldn't turn him out, but they are relieved they can rely on the rent again."

"Oh." I said, for lack of anything better to say.

"Of course, Andrew is a very good boy. He's my son's childhood friend." They are just about your age" She said, her eyes gleaming.

I understood that look, and I quickly changed the subject, not wanting any matchmaking by the local matrons.

"Where does the door in this room lead to?"

"Oh, out back. Would you like to take a look out from this room?"

"Sure, why not." I answered, carefully walking at regular speed, frustrated with how slow it felt, and opened up the heavy white-washed wooden door. The view was spectacular. The lake was only around 20 feet away, looking like a glimmering mirror. Trees dotted the shoreline. A jackrabbit bounded across the yard.

"Beautiful!" I proclaimed, closing and locking the door. "Lead the way through the rest of the house!"

She lead me back to the foyer, this time heading left and going down a short, narrow hallway to a light, airy, kitchen, black and white tiled with another picture window displaying the spectacular view of the lake, with a cozy breakfast nook right under it. to the right of the kitchen was a laundry room, with a half bath attached. A lace shower curtain reminding me of a doily was the only decoration in the spartan bathroom.

"Follow me. May I call you Bethany?" She asked.

I smiled and said "Of course. B would be even better. Is Linda O.K. with you as well, or do you prefer your surname?" I asked as she led me up the steep stairs, tiled in the same black and white the rest of the house was covered with.

"Linda, B, is perfect." she smilingly answered. She really was a very sweet woman.

She turned right and led me into a master bedroom. "Now, this is very modern. Emma remodeled the kitchen and bedroom when her youngest first moved out, to entice renters." It was a beautiful space. A window seat, with skylights, and a little sitting room off to the side with thick, white carpet completed the room. Three heavy floor lamps were placed, tastefully. off to the right was a bathroom with a walk in shower, and a whirlpool bath. The bath was surrounded by windows, again, showing off the beauty of the landscape. The cabinets were white, and, of course, the floor was tiled in the same black and white.

To the left of the room was a walk in closet. "That used to be a tiny room, that the babies would sleep in." She explained. In one corner of the room was a four poster bed, with a tempurpedic mattress, she was excited to point out to me. I hid a grin. Like that made a difference to me.

After a sufficient amount of time admiring the room, she led me out of the suite, and to the left of it were two small rooms, each with a twin bed, covered by fluffy down comforters, and next to each bed was a pine dresser. Very pretty in an understated way.

We walked out of the rooms and she opened up a door that was cleverly hidden in the paneling. A metal string hung from a single lightbulb, which she quickly pulled, even though it wasn't needed with my improved eyesight. I, of course, didn't mention this. directly in front of us were even steeper steps, not covered by the tile like the rest of the house. Just plain, rough, wooden steps.

I expected the room to be unfinished, but it looked to have been a room most likely for the teens in this house. It, too, had only a bed and a dresser, but the bed was bigger and it had a full bathroom connected to it, again, with a lace curtain. A picture of a very pretty teenaged girl was still hung on the wall.

"That's Anne, the oldest." Linda explained. "I'm sure you've gathered that this was for the older ones."

I chuckled, and said, "I could tell. I would have loved this at that age."

Linda smiled at me, and winked saying, "That was all of two years ago, or I'll eat the candles on your next birthday cake."

I laughed. "I'm nineteen," I admitted. The smile fell off my face as I added, "I haven't felt like it lately."

She saw this, and ushered me down all the stairs into the kitchen.

"Well, B, do you like it?"

"I love it!! Where do I sign?"

She beamed at me, and said, "I had a good feeling about you. I think you'll fit right in here. I'll be right back with the paperwork."

I set my purse down on the granite countertop and stared broodingly out the window.

Linda cleared her throat a few minutes later to get my attention.

"Sorry! I was just admiring the view." I said, guiltily, not realizing she was there until that moment.

"Don't worry about it! Nothing to be sorry about." she scolded me and handed me a thick stack of papers, which I proceeded to sign, at the breakfast nook, while Linda took out her PDA and was glancing at something I assumed to be her schedule for the day.

After finishing the paperwork at what I hoped was a normal, human pace, I asked what to make the check out for.

"Well, dear, I checked your credit, and didn't find any discrepancies, so you owe first, last, and deposit. $2,000.00."

I stood up and grabbed out my soft leather pocketbook, and sat back down, shrugging out of my jacket and pushing aside my discarded gloves. I rolled my rose angora sweater sleeves up. I poised my pen above the checkbook and remembered something.

"Is it ready to move in today?" I asked.

"Yes, B. Electric is included." She looked through my papers, and said, "I notice you didn't specify how long."

"I plan on being here just a little over seven months. I am looking into schools on the west coast. I feel it's plenty of time to wallow in my misery."

"A sixth month lease with a few month-to-month is fine, dear. I'm sure the Tremblay's wouldn't mind at all if it was a few extra months."

I smiled with relief. "Alright!" I signed the last two papers, and stood up, putting back on my coat and gloves, and grabbed my purse.

"I'm ready!" I said.

Linda stood up and put her own brown wool jacket back on, glancing at her watch. "Great, that was perfect. I have just enough time to get you back to your car before my next client."

The way back was quieter, mostly because Linda kept getting calls from various people, and finally pulled over to put her bluetooth on. We made it back to the car in just under 30 minutes.

Linda followed me to my car and I sensed she was moving in for a hug, which I quickly side-stepped and warmly smiled, shaking her hand.

If she was hurt, she didn't show it. "If you need anything, dear, my home phone is in the book." She slipped her card into my pocket. "There is my work and cell number, as well."

I smiled warmly at her, and climbed into my car, pulling the visor down, and putting on my glasses.

"Linda!" A very tall gentleman called from the front of the store.

"Bye, B!" She called, already halfway towards the man.

I closed the car door, and drove to my new home.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Loneliness. Longing. Love. God, those three words were on my mind constantly. I didn't know how much more of the loneliness I could take. The longing and love, well, I didn't have a choice. My heart cried for the love I lost.

Edward was always in my thoughts, in my heart. I needed him, knowing he did not need me. I wanted him, knowing he did not want me.

I loved him.

He did not love me.

The pain was crippling. Excruciating. I yearned for him.

"Edward," I would hear my own voice in my head say, at inopportune times. Each time it was like a sharp stab in the chest. Not being able to cry just made the hole where my heart used to reside ache all the more. My voice, dripping with sorrow would follow that with,

"Edward, my love."

It would come out of nowhere, these constant reminders of him. Each time it happened, I kept hoping it would get better. It didn't, though. After the stabbing and aching hit my dormant heart, the crippling misery would hit so hard I would curl into a ball and gasp, praying it would pass.

Eventually, it would. No matter how often it happened, and happen often it did those first few years, and most especially during my brief exile from humanity, I never did get used to it. It never did get easier to bear. I eventually learned to accept these attacks, and it became part of who I was.

I mourned my lost family. Not only the Cullens, but Charlie and Renee, too. I missed my friends.

I missed being loved.

The first three months in the beautiful house I rented in Canada was busy enough. The novelty of a new area, along with well-meaning visits from Linda kept things from being too lonely. My existence took on a pattern that was comforting.

Up to four times a week, depending on if it was overcast or not, I would don contact lenses and sunglasses, and explore the city. I would be careful to hunt each morning before going, as well as try to hunt on a daily basis. Despite the fact I never once was interested in human blood, I realized I couldn't be too careful. During my city jaunts, I was learning through careful observation how to blend in. I learned not to move too quickly, and to always keep a foot between myself and another human. They never knew, of course, the reason why they were uneasy- and fortunately I was quick to catch on.

My days in town would always begin the same. I'd take a copy of The New York Times to a local coffee shop called Decades Coffee Club. While pretending to sip my coffee, I would read the paper. Eventually the local patrons got to know me, and would wave and make small talk.

Thanks to Linda and her harmless and well-meaning gossip, the local "boys" stayed away from me. It was easy to concoct a story about how I was jilted by my childhood sweetheart. I tried not to dwell bitterly on how close to the truth it really was.

I would wander around town for a few hours each morning. It both disturbed and interested me to note that people would give me a wide berth while I was walking around. Although I was learning cues on how to act when speaking with the other humans, walking around was a different story. I never did figure it out, but I have chalked it up to a deep rooted survival instinct.

During a particularly lonely day, I bought a fish on impulse and named it Jake. It gave me something to shower love and attention on. The way it swished around the bowl made me smile, and it eased a little of my heartache.

After walking around for a few hours, soaking in what I could of humanity, I would end up at my last stop of the day, the local library, called Fraser Library. I used it to keep up with current events, and check my online post office box, as well as emails. Not, I always thought ironically, that there was much in it. I still at the time wasn't sure where exactly I wanted to settle down to go to college; so, because of this, I applied for colleges all around the United States.

I would also check on the Forks online newspaper- the Peninsula Daily News. This, too, eased a little of my heartache. Even though I had read my obituary one day-however morbid- It gave me the connection with the people I cared for and loved. I finished reading the newspaper feeling a bit closer to them. I missed everyone, including my beloved Edward, so very much.

After my computer time, I would glance up at the library assistant giving out the passes for computer time, smile and say goodbye, and go on for a few hours to read. Even though I had books at my home, I felt so desperately lonely. The brief contacts with humanity those four times a week helped soothe my aching soul. It wasn't enough to fit the pieces of my heart back together, but I tried to feel content with what I had. Humanity- all around me. So close.. yet so far. I tried to make it enough.

I was blessed to have the strength to be in close proximity with humans. Without my control.. those seven months would have been horrific beyond words.

I went through the motions. I tried my best to be happy and occupied. The days I didn't visit town, I would explore the area around me. I would read, and I even watched TV. I fruitlessly searched for other ways to occupy the endless stretch of my days and nights. I eventually picked up two hobbies that helped calm my jumbled emotions.

A month or so after moving, on one of my jaunts into town, I found a guitar in the window of a Salvation Army. After a visit to a bookstore called The Book Man, I found a guitar instruction book and soon, with the limitless amount of time I had and my faultless memory recall, I played extremely well. Composing the music came effortlessly after I learned to play well. I spent hours writing music on my laptop I kept with me in my black bihn messenger bag at all times. I found my creativity to be at it's highest deep in the wilderness. I often let go of the rigid control I had on my emotions during those jaunts. The words would flow through in earnest at those times.

About four months into my exile I, on impulse, went into a small local store called Nuggets Used Books. While browsing, my eyes set on an aisle of art supplies. I picked up some colored pencils and pens, paints, and various sketch pads- along with an art instruction book. I never thought much would come of it, as I remembered, scanning my cursedly clear memories, that although I loved to doodle, I was pretty terrible at it. However, one night, after finding myself curled up on the ground shaking with the force of my grief, I went to slip on some jeans meaning to hunt, when my eye caught the bag on the top shelf of the closet. Intending it to only be an outlet for my crushing sadness, I attempted to draw Edward with his breathtaking smile. I found that I did it well, and began devouring art books at the public library.

It was the balm i was needing for my tortured heart. After that, my sketchpad and my notebook for writing songs went with me everywhere I went. It kept me whole. It kept me from drowning in memories, without an outlet. The irony wasn't lost on me. I had what most of our kind would kill for- a pretty firm recollection of my human days. Without a purpose, what was the point of it?

A few days before my seven month self-imposed exile was drawing to a close, while carefully dressing up for one of my in-town days, I was startled to see my eyes had turned to the topaz color of my loved ones. I hadn't paid much attention to my eyes in awhile, as I was used to them.

It was the signal I had been waiting for. All this time, even with my perfect control, I knew that it would be disastrous if an observant human glimpsed my eyes. Even with contacts, the risk was too great. For the first time in quite awhile, a genuine smile flashed across my face, feeling tight, almost as if it forgot the proper way of executing one.

For the last month, I had been longing to wander out further, in search of other game, either to Alaska or New York City. Both were places I had never been, and I was ready to fully immerse myself into the population.I needed new experiences, new things to occupy my time. The thought of even talking without fear made my heart sing. I was even looking forward to shopping, thanks to one tiny Pixie and her onslaught of clothing.

I yelled, my voice hoarse from speaking rarely out loud, in excitement, while running downstairs in an Anne Klein long, blue, floral print sundress and, mindful of blending in, a black Anne Taylor Loft cardigan hastily thrown over one arm, to my Coach purse hanging up by the front door.

In my haste to get to the phone, some of the contents of my purse spilled onto the gleaming hardwood floor. Dialing Linda's cellphone, that she had urged me on many occasions to call if I needed her, I pumped one fist into the air.

"Hello, dear. I'm glad you called!" Linda said, warmly.

"Linda, I'm calling about the lease, and to ask you something." I half croaked before clearing my throat.

There was a short pause, and she said, in a cautious tone, "Is everything alright, B?

"Oh, yes, everything is wonderful!!" I exclaimed, "I just needed to ask if I could sign another six month or maybe a one year lease? I'm doing traveling, and I'm not too sure for how long- wanted to sign before I left."

She let out a relieved breath. "Well, I could come to you, or I could meet you here at the office in an hour."

"That would be wonderful! I was also wondering if you knew anyone with a truck or SUV for sale, used? I was planning on leaving my car here at the house."

"I can think of a gentleman right off of the top of my head. Fred Sedgewick. It's a 1999 Ford explorer, sports edition. He's kept it in excellent condition. It was an impulse buy and rarely is used. He keeps it parked at the office a few times a week. I can call him now if you'd like, and he might be able to meet up with you at the office."

I squealed like the teenager I was supposed to be. "Fantastic! I'll be right there."

"See you in an hour." she said, chuckling.

I ran at vampire speed upstairs, and packed one suitcase with the basic essential clothing, knowing that I would be buying new things while traveling around. I added my beloved shirt and locket, and a travel bag of makeup. I went to the shoe organizer and grabbed my Jeffery Campbell Ballet flats and put them near my bed. I needed to hunt both for hunger and to pass some time that was passing slower than usual. I carefully slipped off my beautiful dress, and grabbed some Lucky dark denim jeans with a red v-neck shirt.

Flitting down the stairs, I ran out barefoot, falling on the first deer I saw that was out of range of people. It wasn't quite enough to assuage my hunger. I ran a little bit more north , stopping when I smelled a rich, mouthwatering scent of an animal I hadn't yet encountered. I stalked towards it, and saw a black bear. It heaved up on two legs, and I gracefully lowered into a crouch, a growl slipping from my mouth. It turned to flee, but I was too fast for it. I growled, deeper and more feral and, with my long hair streaming behind me, landed on it's back. It wasn't as delicious as a mountain lion (which I missed) but I could see why Emmett liked them. The thought of all the animals coming out of hibernation made my throat burn a bit, but I was satisfied. I daintily wiped my mouth with the tips of my two fingers, and headed home to get dressed for the meeting.

I hurried through my second shower of the day, and put on light makeup, and brushed my waist length tresses until they shone, leaving it falling like a curtain down to my waist. I hurriedly Put on my clothing and shoes, gathering my luggage near the door in anticipation of later that night. Glancing at my pink fossil watch from Seattle, I saw I had just enough time to spare for the meeting.

I pulled up to Linda's office, which was a small, homey, brick building that I knew to be tastefully done in the inside. I pulled my sunglasses up on my head, thankful that my days of hiding were over.

I glanced over and saw Linda, looking a little bit more matronly plump, headed towards me with a mid-30's tan and fit Male, who held himself with the self assurance of thinking himself attractive.

Before Linda could, I embraced her into a fierce but gentle hug, truly feeling affection for this wonderful woman who had done so much for me.

"How's the guitar playing, sweetie?" she asked.

"It's going well, thanks so much for asking."

I heard the man next to her clear his throat, and I looked up, giving him the hand I was careful to warm in the heater before meeting up with them.

"Fred Sedgwick." he said, winking and extending his hand.

"Bel-Bethany Curlen." I said, letting a tiny bit of ice creep into my tone. His grin widened, no doubt thinking my name slip was because I was nervous around him.

"Bethany, you are absolutely exquisite. I don't see a ring on your finger, so am I safe assuming you are a single lady?"

"You are correct, sir." my chin lifting slightly. He didn't bother to hide his lustful gaze, as they traveled down my body, slowly, resting hungrily on my chest.

"Lecher," I thought. Linda, being the kind soul she was, gazed at me beaming.

"What's first, Linda, car or lease?"

Fred spoke for her. "The lease seems the logical choice. The car might.. take awhile."

I narrowed my eyes at him while he stared back unperturbed. If anything, his grin widened.

Linda ushered me into the office. "Six months or one year, dear?"

"Hmm. One year." I replied. "Don't worry Linda, I'm paying a few months up front, and if I'm not back for some reason, I'll wire you the rest of the money."

"Oh, my dear, don't worry about it. you just focus on putting some life and light back into those beautiful eyes." she said, stroking my cheek with the back of her hand, as a mother might.

The similarities between her and Esme made my heart ache. My throat felt too tight to speak, so I nodded instead.

"Bethany, are you ready?" Fred slyly interrupted.

"Linda, I can get it from here. Thanks for your help." On impulse, I bent over and lightly kissed the top of her head before exiting the building.

Fred was lounging on the car, smiling like a shark, his teeth over-bleached to the point of being unnatural looking.

"You are one gorgeous girl, darlin'. Linda tells me you have the old Trembaly place?"

I stiffened my posture, to indicate that I wasn't interested in his advances, and ignored the question.

"I really like the car, Mr. Sedgwick. Linda tells me it's 2,000 American dollars, with a newly rebuilt engine, and new tires, with everything up-to-date as far as tuneups. Correct?"

"Yes, she's correct. I could knock off some of the price for you..." he answered, latching his hungry eyes yet again on my chest.

"Mr. Sedgewick, that isn't necessary, but thank you so very much for your offer on taking the price off."

His grin faltered for a second, then got even wider. "Would you like to see the inside, maybe take it for a test drive?"

He had me in a bind. I knew he couldn't hurt me, but he sure could make the situation difficult. I did need to see how it handled. Suddenly, a brilliant idea flashed into my head.

I smiled fully at him, exposing some teeth, and flirtatiously batted my eyes, saying, "yes, I would love to see how this drives."

"Sweetheart, you are about to go for the ride of your life."

"Ew." I thought.

Ignoring his light touch on my neck, I climbed in and waited for him to sit in the passenger side. When we had shut our doors, I turned to him, licked my lips and flung my hair over my shoulder.

He chuckled and said, "Darlin' I knew you couldn't be as sweet as you portrayed."

I grinned at him, showing all of my teeth, which caused the grin to fade and his face to turn a bit pale.

Still, he grinned cockily, and placed his hand on my leg. I softly touched his hand with my ice cold one, causing him to jerk his hand back.

"Fuck, your hands are like blocks of Ice!" He shouted.

"I'm so sorry, Mr. Sedgewick, I can't help how cold they are." I swept my lashes down.

"That's okay, honey, we'll warm 'em right up!" he guffawed.

"Here we go, I thought." I drove at human speed out of the parking lot, but once we hit the back road, I took off, vampire style. He looked terrified. Every so often he'd glance over, and I'd smile broadly at him.

I finally decided to stop torturing the poor man, and reduced my speed, pulling into the Realtor's office.

I noted how easy the car maneuvered, both in and off the road, and decided that I'd keep it. Glancing over at the slimy man- still plastered to the seat- I said, "I like the car, Mr, Sedgwick. Can we close on the transaction?"

Shaking like a leaf just nodded and held out a prewritten contract. "Here, take it." I quickly signed it, and he threw the keys at me and quickly exited the vehicle, his heart thudding rapidly. I heard a car door slam and tires squealing out of the parking lot.

Chuckling to myself, I exited the beautifully waxed black SUV and opened the door to Linda's office, the bells above the door ringing cheerily.

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After talking with Linda at length, she agreed to pop into my house every few days to feed jake and open the windows to keep it aired out. She also very graciously offered to drive my car back to the house in the morning.

"It works out, dear. Gilbert needs to take the truck in for a tuneup."

I thanked her and headed home to finish up. After changing into one of my favorite calvin klein jeans and a plain white shirt, I added a turqoise ROXY hoodie and threw on my uggs. I grabbed my suitcase and traveling case I had packed up earlier and placed them by the door. I went to the library to get my guitar and art bag- which would have been no small feat as a human since the art supply bag was unwieldy loaded with my drawings and supplies. It didn't take me much longer at the speed I was going to pack the car and secure the house.

I blessed my foresite in buying a GPS and Ipod the last time I bought things online. I plugged my pink ipod touch and laughed heartily at the Scorpion song that came on, "Winds of Change." and drove away.

When I started off, I didn't have a clue where I was heading, I just enjoyed my drive. The breathtaking scenery rushed past me as my keen vision took it all in. Even my speed of 120 failed to startle me as I not only was used to it, I adored it.

As dawn was starting, I took in my surroundings and saw that I had been driving towards Alaska, and a city called Talkeetna was coming up in the next five miles. From the looks of it, it was going to be a sunny day and I needed to find a hotel as quickly as possible. I pulled over onto the shoulder of the highway, my breath catching at the sheer beauty of my surroundings. I pulled my phone out of my pink gucci purse and called information for some motel names. A cheery voice iquired as to what listing and I asked for the first motel that came up. I was quickly transferred to Talkeetna Cottages. A very groggy woman named Sarah answered, and while sleepy, she didn't seem too upset about being woken up at such an ungodly hour. She began telling me about the amenities of the room- a cabin, she made sure to assure me- and I only listened with half an ear, impatiently eyeing the lightening sky. After taking my credit card information, sounding apologetic about the 120 dollar a night price, she said she'd meet me in front of a cottage called Moonflower Cabin. I wasted no time in plugging the address into the GPS and driving there.

I found the directions to the cottage with ease. Before getting out of the truck, noting the faint silver streaks of daylight starting, I pulled up my hood and put my sunglasses on, something I was tiring of.

I met a very sleepy but trim woman with short, gray hair and blurry but intelligent eyes. After asking to see my ID, She apologized about the price yet again, and told me to head down the path a few miles. I thanked her and hurridly went back to my truck before those obviously sharp eyes noticed something.

Just as she said, 3 miles down the path I found it. It was a quaint log cabin, with pink curtains on the windows. I wasted no time in grabbing my bags, not even taking the time to appear human. After all, I was out in the middle of nowhere. Once I was inside and hung my hoodie up on the hook by the door, I took in my surroundings. It had simple, white washed walls and a plain queen sized bed with a quilt covering it. A loft with two twin beds as well. Simply, yet tastefully decorated. A fridge in a compact kitchen with a tv and dvd by the queen sized bed completed the cabin. Noting the curtains were thin, I changed into the never used white terry cloth hooded robe just to be safe, pulled my hair up into a bun and pulled the hood up.

Ater unpacking, I spent a very long and tedious day drawing, playing guitar, and reading with old tv re-runs playing in the background. I was itching to explore the surrounding area and find out the local wild life. I cursed myself for choosing a state called the Land of the Midnight Sun. Really, what was I thinking? Still, looking at the beautiful sun and amazing forest around me I couldn't be upset at my decision. I never thought I'd be one for spongy green stuff, but with my new eyes, the colors were spectacular. Always that color I couldn't name and never could think of one that justified it, either.

Glancing at the clock I was startled to see it was 11pm and the sun was just starting to lower a bit. I had a feeling it wouldn't get much darker, but it was enough. Just to pass the time I hopped in the shower. I pulled on a pair of 7 for mankind jeans with a black long sleeved shirt and the same hoody I hung up earlier that day. This time I added a pair of sketchers to match the hoody, snorting a little at how thorough the little pixie was. I thought back with amusement when I took the full extent of my wardrobe and even knowing who paid for my clothing, was still a bit surprised to see that my outfits even had matching underthings. She really was something else, I thought to myself wistfully. I sighed and forcibly snapped myself out of my memories. "You WILL be happy!" I scolded myself, as I pulled my hair back into a loose bun and left out of the back cabin door, securing it behind me.

The minute I stepped outside my sensories went into overdrive. Intending to take in the beauty, I started off in a walk, but that was quickly abandoned. The colors. the smells. I couldn't get enough and laughing with sheer abandon and glee I just simply WAS. I ran and ran, at some point my scrunci was lost and my hair flew out behind me like a mahogany flag. I don't know how long I ran. For the first time since Edward left, I felt carefree. I would have ran on for quite a bit longer had I not smelled something so mouthwatering, so delicious I stopped dead in my tracks. What was it?! I hadn't come across it before, and was crouching before I even realized it, a snarl coming out of my chest. Startled, I felt my eyes go huge and I hastily stood up. This reaction was very new to me, and I wasn't quite sure that I liked it. I had grown used to absolute control. I was so lost in my analytical thoughts that I missed the slight noise.

I heard a warning growl and something snapping around 30 yards to my left. The footsteps were light, almost soundless. I wasn't an animal. The smell of watermelons assaulted my nostrils as the footsteps came closer. Vampire! I whipped my head around my hair fanning out behind me. I easily slipped into a defensive crouch and called out in steady voice. "Who are you? I mean you no harm. If I'm infringing on your territory, I'll be on my way at once."

I heard a sound again, this time to my right. I thought I saw a flash of a navy blue sleeve, but I couldn't be sure. I was used to just myself and the occasional human from town, so seeing the speed was a bit disorienting.

"Hello, friend," called a feminine and excutiatingly lovely flute-like voice, "I am very happy to meet you, but I must tell you that hunting humans in this area is off limits."

"I-I'm also a vegetarian." I slightly stammered.

I felt a breeze behind me and the smell of watermelons hit me full force. I turned around, startled, To see a stauseque woman with blond hair so light it looked almost white. I didn't have to touch the hair to know it felt like silk. It was longer than mine. She had a hauntingly beautiful face and a body that would put Aphrodite herself to shame. The navy blue that I glimpsed in the bushes was a shirt that looked to be cashmere, and was paired with snow-white jeans, with hiking boots that were very well taken care, but clearly worn a lot. On her wrist was some sort of a crest I couldn't get a good enough look at before, with the same disconcerting speed, she shifted her hand. Those topaz eyes that looked like mine.. and like HIS, met mine, warmly, as my dead heart clenched painfully at a reminder of Edward.

"So you are." She confirmed in that achingly beautiful voice.

She extended a hand with long, tapered fingers, giving me a better glimpse of the crest that looked vaguely familiar. I took the hand she offered and held onto it like a lifeline, as I tried to keep the sobs that rose up at bay.

She stepped forward quickly and wrapped her long arms around me.

"There, there! Everything will be alright." She crooned softly, holding me tighter as my body shook with dry sobs.

I pushed myself away from her when the force of my sobbing let up.

"Thank you." I whispered, ashamed.

"No need to feel embarrassed." Squeezing my shoulder, she stepped back and I shook the proffered hand.

"Let me properly introduce myself. I am Tanya, Tanya Denali."

Thanking god I was able to mask my emotions, I answered,

"Pleased to meet you, Tanya. I'm Christine, Christine Masen." 


End file.
